...Now rise the sun, now dawn the day
When good men run and women stay
When battle's done and nothing's won
It's a woman's work to say
Well then, soldier, how goes the day?"Doctor Who" s06e07 "A Good Man Goes To War"
Chapter 2. It's a woman's work to sayBack on Coruscant Anakin was unexpectedly left out of any official activity. He felt a little bad knowing that a part of his duties was discreetly delegated to Ahsoka but couldn't bring himself to protest. He knew he was unfit at the moment and that it will actually do well for her to be seen as responsible badass which she was. Win-win, so to say.
He settled to work on some personal issues instead.
There was something wrong he couldn't pinpoint yet, too agitated after the mission and confused by the turn events has taken. He was about to do something for those around, but their expectation remained unspoken. It has been taunting his mind, always just a half-step aside, so no matter how hard Anakin tried, he couldn't see it for what it was. He heartily disliked the phantom sense of being pulled by invisible treads it gave to him.
So he pulled the card he usually tried to avoid as never effective immediately and sat down for a good old-fashioned meditation. Hopefully, he will be out and about long before anyone remembered they had a free set of hands here.
To reach the Force was a child play at this point. She came to him like a first breath upon pieceful awakening, warm and familiar and only waiting to be recognised. He lost in her lux for a bit of eternity, for she was a light of faraway stars and a measured heartbeat under your fingertips.
читать дальшеHe felt strangely at home there, relaxed in a way it was long ago, in the days before the war. Ever so slightly he has been losing this comfort of simply existing. First, when Shmi died and he was driven nearly insane, and then with every new fight, every battle. People have been hurting, dying, and he could only rage and grieve, barely scratched in this agony of billions. The more it took, the less he felt of any use, until the night came when his world crampled with that last death.
Despite it all here Anakin was, undamaged and safe and serene, and the Force was gentle like a mother's caress on his cheek.
Obi-Wan should be with him, Anakin thougth, suddenly overwhelmed.
It was that simple. One thought, one desire, it was haunting him restlessly in the aftermate of Jabiim, he remembered.
Obi-Wan should have been the one leading evacuation efforts. The one knighting Anakin, severing his padawan's braid and storing it away. He was not, and Anakin has very nearly given up any hope of creating a miracle, when Obi-Wan resurfaced on Rattatak, tortured but alive.
There was no such hope anymore. Anakin saw him dying, held his still body, he lit up the pyre. Obi-Wan became one with the Force.
Wasn't it why she was so kind again, he wandered. Was it possible for Obi-Wan to somehow, anyhow find a way to comfort Anakin even after his ultimate loss? That wouldn't be entirely out of character of his ridiculous too-Jedi-to-be-true Master. It was still him who asked for their bond to let it be, the Code aside…
The bond, Anakin realised. That continuos nagging at the back of his mind, bothering just the littlest more than he could withstand.
He was afraid to look, fairly certain that the bond's remains have eventually dissolved and it was newly emptied space calling for anything to fill the gap. Anakin remembered the bond as it blossomed between their minds, precious tiny thing rippling the Force beatifully. He didn't have a visual of it - the bond just was, as there is oxygen in the air. Whenever he needed, Anakin was able to ping it and feel the presence on the other side.
Then Obi-Wan died and the bond went mute.
Only the surrounding gentleness, calmness of the Force convinced him to search it once again. He prepared himself for every terrible outcome he could imagine at this point. There is nothing, like it was before they established the bond on the first place. There is darkness in his mind, ashes and rotting sweet sickness, creeping where was the light. There is some open crack and his days are coming to the end.
In truth, there were just sadness and longing and love and hope, and they absolutely did not belong to Anakin.
He squeezed his eyes shut and reach once more, but nothing has changed. The bond was singing, alight with emotions so powerful they began to trickle through Anakin's shields.
He drew in a sharp breath, pulling out into reality. The Force was still a veil of tender light awaiting, but Anakin had non of that. There were only shadows, growing in the corners of his mind, and the cold of burnt-out coals.
* * *
It was Ahsoka who found him, huddled on the floor. She paused, uncertain whether to approach someone so clearly tense, and decided against it. Even if it was her beloved Master in need to be comforted, she was not so sure she was the one to go. She was not at her best at the moment.
"I take it you already know," she asked, heading to the kitchenette. Fool mood or not, she was perfectly capable to brew them some tea.
Anakin nodded, not looking up from where he was sitting. He evidently has been meditating not long ago, and Ahsoka quickly guessed it didn't go well. So much for him trying to cope in a Jedi way, she thought bitterly.
She put a cup in his hands and sat on the floor as well. Anakin stared at the wisps of steam curling in the cold air, but she knew that he was paying attention to her every movement.
"I've just met them in the Healing Halls," she said. "Wanted to ask some painkillers for my headache. Figured it will take something stronger… maybe a night of actual sleep," she added half-jokingly. Night or better two. "I think he will be here very soon."
Her question, hidden behind careful words, was 'What do you want me to do?' - and she really hoped she didn't project it in the Force. By the look of this Anakin was even worse with the Force right now than he was with people around. His meditation did go bad, she knew. Like, Not Good bad. She came to him in a hope to find any consolation, but alas.
When this is over, she vowed, she will take her Skygue to the best gelaterie in the known galaxy and they will taste every flawour there. The sacred vow it is.
Anakin's face lit up a little, and she realised with a horror that that thought was projected. But he just raised his cup solemnly, and Ahsoka grinned, pleased with herself.
* * *
Obi-Wan took his time before asking for entrance. Staying outside Anakin's quarters he could hear light chatting - well, it was Ahsoka alone who was doing the talking, but her voice was light, borderline flirtatious. So she was either retelling some funny from her point of view clashing in the upper level or trying to pry a reaction really hard. That was a good sign. Judging by her expression earlier Obi-Wan was due to a great suffering.
He was about to ring a comm when there were steps and the door opened, revealing Anakin in all his menacing glory. They both stood still for a second.
Then Anakin reached forward, clasped a hand full of Obi-Wan's collar and shook hard enough to make him gasp. That was a quick fluid motion alltoghether, and then Anakin freed him, stepped up and enveloped Obi-Wan in a crushing hug like if he had just returned from the dead.
He was still a little sore after the surgery that returned his appearance, but the hug, the heat of Anakin's body and familiar smell of his quarters washed the pain away. Obi-Wan hugged him back and smiled for the first time since that awful night.
They parted when Ahsoka started to make a pointed noise, and Anakin moved out of the way, silent and calm despite the passion with wich he was holding Obi-Wan. Ahsoka closed the door behind them and stood, crossing arms and all but staring Obi-Wan down.
"Hope you are not expecting me being all octopus-like," she said grimly. "But anyway. Care to explain yourself, Master Kenobi?"
Obi-Wan raised an eyebrow at her attitude and looked at Anakin, but he only cocked his head, looking back with dark, guarded eyes and relaxed posture. He wasn't like Anakin Obi-Wan has been expecting to rejoin with, but his exact opposite.
"Don't look at him like he oughtta tame me for your sake," growled Ahsoka, and Obi-Wan recoiled from the poison in her words. Anakin just blinked at her. "He may be glad to have you back, but he wouldn't tell you. What possibly could you find important enough to do that to us?"
He sighed.
"To answer this I must know how much aware you already are."
"Not at all," she said. "I've seen you in medical. I don't even know how Anakin knew." They both turned to him, and Anakin hesitantly touched his head. Ahsoka frowned. "You mean your meditation? No one has told you?"
Anakin nodded.
Bewildered, Obi-Wan called for him in the Force. Their bond brimmed under his gaze, bright and strong, but he couldn't pass along it. There were shields between him and Anakin, and when Obi-Wan tried to look past them, Anakin let out a little pained sound.
"Don't do it again," Ahsoka said. "I told everyone, have they not warned you?" She stepped to Anakin, who was rubbing his temples miserably, and quietly sighed. "If he calls you first, it's okay. If he shields, don't do anything, it means he is already overwhelmed. And if I understood correctly, he only found out you being alive during his meditation not more than an hour ago." She gently took Anakin's hands in her own and pulled them down. "Hey, Skygue. Don't you think it is time to see healers? I bet Master Che is ready to go get us personally. Like a personification of love, life and vengeance in the flesh."
Obi-Wan chuckled and even Anakin managed a smile. But then he shook his head and turned back to Obi-Wan. There was a clear message in his expression - they will not leave this room till the end of the story.